A scattered mess

I enjoy writing. I enjoy escaping into the words and telling a story from my head in such a way that others can visualize it, or even taste it.

I know I’m hard on myself. Even when others compliment me on my writing, I sometimes still find things I dislike about it. And then I deem myself as bad.

What if my vocabulary is viewed with a different meaning? What if someone takes the word grovel and doesn’t realize I mean to cringe?[1. It’s happened before offline.] What if I say something, and then it doesn’t actually happen? What if I give advice and no one likes it? Am I being specific enough?

I realize everyone perceives things differently. A lot of times people perceive my posts in a different way than I actually meant them. That really frustrates me when it happens, but then I realize I may do the same to others’ posts sometimes.

I know I’m kind of really flawed right now. My brain doesn’t match up with my actions, and words turn into other words and therefore create new meanings for what I’m saying. I’m not purposely using “your” and “you’re” interchangeably; my mind, my actions and my intentions all have attitudes of their own. I’m here, but I’m not fully here. They’re not your average typos if they also happen offline in this so-called “real life”. It’s not technically “real life”, however, considering the Internet is a thing in real life… -.-

It’s a scattered mess, isn’t it? All of it is.

And I just feel like I can’t get out everything I want to say. I even want to throw this one away.