I kept a diary in my youth until I realized my mom was just going to continuously read anything I wrote and interrogate me about why I felt a certain way. Even as an adult who is fully aware of the OMG things I did when I was a kid, I feel that that was an invasion of privacy and trust. What she read would not stay between the two of us, either—she’d share it with her husband, with therapists (because apparently expressing yourself makes you a psychopath), other family members, her friends, and my friends.
And she wonders why she’s not in my life anymore. Like, she thinks she was perfect, like I was the problem all along. Shit adds up. If she can hold against me what I did when I was a BABY, I can estrange her. It’s so fine.
BUT HEY. THIS POST ISN’T ABOUT HER. I actually can’t blog about her because it results in her freaking out and claiming I’m behaving badly. If you wanted to be portrayed better, mother, you should have behaved better.
I’m cleaning out a lot of the clutter in my room. Like, I want to own less of the following because I’m tired of managing it:
- paper (journals, art, etc.)
- dust collectors
- things I just don’t need, can’t stand looking at, etc.
And my diary entries are part of that.
I’ve come so, so far in how I document my life.
February 18, 1998
I have a diary.
February 28, 1998
Today [stepfather] has to go to work.
April 26, 1998
I have a loose tooth. And it is my bottom tooth. I can all most twist it. I have a giga pet. It’s name is Abby. My giga pet is a baby.
August 24, 1998
I had to go to school. You lern there. You do math. My teacher’s name is Mrs. David. I like her. She is nice. I like my new school.
August 25, 1997
Today we went to Bebe.
August 26, 1998
My birthday is March 26. That when my birthday is.
September 11, 1998
I’m hot because it is hot outside. I love God. I LOVE GOD.
October 1, 1998
Today had fun.
October 2, 1998
I had fun.
October 4, 1998
October 5, 1998
I have a school. I like it. It is just so
so so very pretty. I LOVE YOU GOD. Your the best.
October 13, 1998
Today I had a book to read about! Yeah!
I have a kitty. I realy have three kittys. And there name is T.J. and Fluffy. They are so very very good.
April 1, 1999
Today is April Fools day.
June 24, 99
Be-Be is nice to me. I wish you will play with me. and I wish he would Well I still have two other best friend. Ashely and, Shelby, and, Gloria. Gloria was my bestest friend in 2nd grade. She taught me a song, too.
I don’t remember it, now, but Gloria taught me how to tie my shoes via a song. She was shocked that I didn’t know how (my dad had tried to teach me, but I didn’t spend much time with him since my mom monopolized me), so she was like, “Okay, I’m going to teach you a song!” and little by little, I finally got it!
June 25, 99
Today I had fun. Ashley and I had fun today, we always have fun. And today I got to go to vacation Bible school. It only last about 5 days.
[Stepfather] took the car that he gave me away for Christmas.
Jan. 3. 00
What I did today outside…Isaac played on his truck while I rode my bike. My mom thinks I need a new one because it’s just a baby bike. I need a bigger bike.
I am having fun, I like to draw. I know how to write in cursive.
I am here at Mimi’s house. I am staying there for whole entire week!
Today, we are going to the…I am not sure, but I want to go to the park. T.W.S. that means in code cords; “The water stands”.
What does WDSF stand for?
Answer: (What does stand for)
I laughed so much at my handwriting and things I wrote. I have more. Lots of journals. #nostalgia
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