I’m sick, and a bored woman some years my senior is stirring up shit again because she mistook my professional courtesy as something platonic, and I remembered there are other people who have been in this place of whatever you want to call it, so I decided to make a list/a statement/a declaration of all the fucks I give (re: none).
Some music (which didn’t inspire this post title or idea, but is simply coincidental of the resemblance):
You are worth more than what someone thinks of you.
You are worth more than the epithets involving whatever psychiatric terms do or don’t apply to you.
Character is more important than reputation, for you can better control who you really are while you cannot control so well what others think of you.
Regardless of your psychiatric state, another’s actions/thoughts/etc. are not a commentary on your own.
It’s better to be kind than to be “nice”.
There are two types of people in the world: those who are nice and those who are kind.
Being kind requires building self-confidence, empathy and compassion. Diversity and reading fiction makes us more empathetic—hell, fiction in general does. Also? Webcomics totally count.
It IS hard to pay no attention to someone who…
- …keeps reminding you of your darker thoughts,
- …keeps trying to bring you down,
- …keeps throwing bricks at you,
- …twists your words and uses it for propaganda,
- …is constantly contacting you when you’re trying to practice no-contact (and maybe you try tolerating them, thinking it’s your only option),
and so on.
I think it’s harder because it’s the internet. Creating new emails, registering new domains—it’s so easy and can be done within five minutes. Also? Depending on their influence, they can make you feel like you can’t stay in a whole freaking town—such a dramatic example, right? But seriously, I don’t feel like I could safely be in Forney after my stepfather worked his charm on many citizens there (re: some law enforcement).
It is situations like these that make me feel as though this is what Taylor’s new song is about—Ooh, look what you made me do! You’re a true puppeteer, making me do this and that so you can pile all the blame onto me! Wow! You must be SO. PROUD. It feels not like she’s saying, “Yeah, look what I’m doing,” with angst, but rather, “Ooh, look what I’m doing, thanks to you,” instead making a mockery out of the people who’ve wronged her. I’ve never been able to relate more to a song.
If I had to choose a fight song, it would be “Look What You Made Me Do” or “Confident”.
It makes me feel better. It’s gotten easier to “roll with the punches and take the hits” over time, but I’m not going to dole out platitudes and tell anyone, “It gets better! Hang in there!” because that doesn’t help.
In situations like these, the only thing we can do is look at ourselves and think about how we can better ourselves. Choose a “fight song” and listen to it nonstop for the next week if you have to.
When you gather the strength, tell ’em not to fuck with you. There are people out there who can treat you better. So what if you’re “fucking crazy”?
Do the self-care you need to to avoid taking wrong turns to the path of self-destruction. Consult the source of your faith and keep them close—get your team. And if your team sucks? Recruit new members. Do what you need to do to get them out of your hair (singing and dancing is totally acceptable).
Okay, I’m out of music puns. 😅 Wait—you got the power. 👌
If nothing else, it makes for damn good writing development.
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