Jane Lately #62: Sleep debt, loneliness, moving woes

The itch to change the blog name was too alive and well to ignore. The initial plan was to change it in December, but the identity crises are real.

Pull-your-hair-until-it-hurts-and-scream-UGH is the mood for this.

Lately:

📚 The Shadows by Alex North
🎵 Blackpink, Everglow, German hip hop
🥤 Electrolytes — Essentia water, Powerade

1. Freaking sleep debt, man.

One, I’m quite certain at least one of my neighbors sells drugs. Sometimes, people shout at each other at night about money, not receiving as much as was expected, and how they know where each other lives. My apartment windows and walls are so not soundproof that it sounds like they’re right next to me.

Two, work/life balance is nonexistent, so why the fuck do companies push it anyways? The amount of people I met who tell me I should try a work/life balance or who carry themselves higher because of their so-called work/life balance is astonishing. It’s a logical fallacy. Your work affects your life, and life sure as hell does not stop just because you need to be on the clock. Family shit, moving, free time, the urge to start my own business — there is no way to balance my work and my life like they are two separate entities, because I am not in control of my work or unexpected life events.

Three, allergies, anemia, and certain pains are affecting me so much that I move slower and am so fatigued that I wish I could work from home. No — that’s not it; I wish I was in control of my work life, to the point that I was my own boss. It’s one of my “shameless wants” for 2022.

2. I’ve been visiting family a lot more.

Okay, so once thus far. I also call my grandmother, Mimi, almost everyday after work. She goes to bed at 7pm and wakes up at around 4 or 5am. Sometimes I’ll call her during lunch. She’s getting up in her years. 😅 And she’s one of the three key women who raised me, loving and caring for me the way I used to wish my mom had done. (Now, I don’t care about my mom.)

I live about an hour away from my maternal aunt and her son, two hours from Mimi and my dad — they live about three hours from each other. Less if you take highways. I don’t drive on the highway.

Without this, I don’t have family to visit who doesn’t make me feel like I’m burdening them. I don’t visit or talk to my dad much; the only thing that really bonds us is my car. Living in this fucking apartment for a year, I haven’t had much contact with people outside of work. I’ve gone whole quarter of the year without human contact. An introvert, I thought I’d be a-okay with this. I probably would have, had I had a pet so I was not completely alone.

It helps make my days a little more bearable, even though I feel isolated and alone. Greenville was only the best inexpensive first apartment option.

3. Speaking of pets, I got an emotional support animal (ESA) letter — so my cat is more than a pet now; she’s an assistance animal.

This changes so much.

Assistance animals are medical/therapy/assistance tools and not just pets.

There was a duplex in Kaufman that I was keen to move into, but after hearing some awful, illegal things about the landlord — like how he has gone into tenants’ apartments while they were sleeping to collect rent, which is still illegal because they have to give 24 hours’ notice, and got upset when the tenant reacted defensively because hello intruder.

He’s not pet-friendly and, even though my cat is an assistance animal, my newfound fear is him entering the premises whilst I’m away and harming or catnapping her.

The places in Mesquite are no longer on the table on account of immense stress created from driving that area. I had a meltdown a few days ago — Tuesday, 23rd November — and don’t want to put myself in that situation again.

I do have a cat, Narumi, but will meet and receive her when I move into my new apartment! She’s currently with my grandmother in Ben Wheeler. 💖

Until next time.~