There is no such thing as an organized move and whomever claims the opposite is either an asshole or a liar.
Also: Moving by yourself is really friggin’ hard, or it’s just because I’m autistic. I feel like people usually have help and don’t have to do it all by themselves, but being autistic…ugh. It was way too much.
Currently reading The Shadows by Alex North.
1. I moved.
My second apartment is sooo much better than my first. It’s also not in Greenville, the small Texas town that looks nothing like it does in the pictures found on Google. Nothing. All those pics of downtown Greenville are now run down, essentially forgotten by the town in favor of building it up, except even in the places more recently developed are pothole-filled roads. The town also floods. I was legit glad to be out of that apartment.
There were some hiccups, like Nectar delivering my queen mattress to my new address one day before I was gonna sign the lease, so I changed my renter’s insurance start date to that day and my new landlord went as far as putting it in the bedroom for me! (As far as extraordinary customer service goes, they’ve got it. The site said it’d ship in 5-12 business days, and the email I received on Thursday said Good news! We were able to ship your order early! 🥵)
2. Speaking of packages, delivery is complicated sometimes.
The road I live on changed about two years ago, but the signs and some postal verification settings on certain forms did not. USPS has it down, but everyone else is still living in archaic times.
I ordered a CenturyLink modem two weeks ago, but last week UPS required address verification because the address was supposedly wrong — except…they have delivered my Amazon packages here without issue. This is currently the only internet available. I couldn’t bring Spectrum with me, and I’m hoping Suddenlink is the one that will be newly available soon because it’s at least better than CenturyLink and lets me choose a faster speed. CenturyLink just does not have it. 😑
3. Autistic burnout
I can’t talk right now; I’m doing autistic burnout shit.
I’ll explain more in detail what autistic burnout is later, but it’s not the same as non-autistic, or allistic, burnout. I thought I could handle pretending to be on the same level as my allistic peers and push through the burnout, but you can’t push through autistic burnout — it only gets worse.
Autistic burnout is a direct result of conforming, or masking, to fit into a society created without autistic people in mind, consistently working against us and expecting us to succeed regardless.
4. The state of my job
2022 is the year that somehow, someway, I will become self-employed. It’s the only way my financial and personal needs will ever be met via working anywhere — same reason many working autistic people (which isn’t a lot, as 80 percent of us are unemployed) start their own business.
My primary supervisor has me on a temporary unpaid leave via store level, which is not even something a person would know to ask for because the company only ever provides vague information about FMLA and Sedgwick — you know, the pretentious “talking points”.
I’ll be looking to transfer to a store nearby, as I’m much too embarrassed/ashamed to return to mine. 😔 I also couldn’t be myself at work, having to refrain from stimming and being the badass person that I am — which, how odd it is, lacking the ability to stim and express myself as an autistic person while being viewed as the respectable badass 👑 I was at my previous store. I miss it, but not enough to do it forever.
I want a career — not a job — and my lack of financial, food and emotional security growing up prevents me from being able to leave all that in the hands of anyone who could take it away in an instant, for any reason, at any time. Except myself. Working for myself is the only way I’ll ever have that security.
5. I got two kittens.
It started with one emotional service animal (ESA) cat, but abandoned stray kittens were found, and the opportunity presented itself — but kittens do best in pairs — so, ultimately, I wound up with two kittens.
They’re a lot of work, and the original ESA is honestly not the ESA. They’re still babies, being only nine weeks old, and Narumi is now Nova, and Nova is actually a male. 💩
Galaxy is most likely to become a lap cat, as she prefers gentle play with quiet toys and to sleep in whatever room I’m in. She likes to loaf 🍞 around.
Nova prefers loud toys, either crinkly or with a bell, wants to explore everywhere with everything, and requires a lot of enriching activities. He struggles with separation anxiety and, being a flame point Siamese, will be quite the handful in that regard because they require a lot of human interaction to avoid depression and litter box amnesia. I’m hoping his aggressive tendencies will subside once he’s neutered. He’s a little 💩.
Galaxy is the runt of their litter and will kick his ass if she has to. 😳🤭
6. I’m really pissed because my internet has been prepaid, but I have enjoyed NONE OF IT YET.
I can only call for customer service Monday through Friday, between a certain time frame. 😑 Like, what the actual F?
Last year, I screwed up by forgetting about tree allergens and moved ingo an apartment complex with pine trees everywhere.
This year, I didn’t consider asking about the internet beforehand.
But at the same time…why is it the one package UPS can’t deliver without fault?
Next time, I hope to be typing from my laptop! 🤞✨
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Can I just say “amen” to your entire post? You’re correct that burnout with autism is different. I spoke to a close friend of mine, one of the very few I have, about it. While she tried to sympathize she even admitted she can’t understand why I have a complete shut down meltdown after taking so much shit and going going going for so much. She says “just breathe and take it in stride” when in fact it is nowhere near that easy. I get overstimulated so much easier than a “normal” person and it seems like I’m being a jerk, but in all honesty I just can’t handle that much going on constantly and it doesn’t “make me mad” but it causes anxiety like people wouldn’t believe. Well, obviously you know, but I mean like my friend doesn’t. Even my family is often like “just get used to it”….That’s my favorite line I swear. Because I haven’t spent 30 years trying to “get used to it” and “be normal” already? -.-
Greenville sucks. My step sister lived there for a few years. It was pretty nice when I was a kid, and so was Duncanville where I’m from, but both towns have gone to hell. I guess that’s the downside to being so close to DFW though, unless you can afford to live in one of the well-off suburbs, which most of us can’t.
I hope your new place is cozy and comfy and better for your mental health!
P.S. Those kittens are beyond adorable and I love them :3
Per double empathy studies, non-autistic people can easily empathize with other non-autistic people and autistic people can empathize with each other. Problems arise, however, when allistic and autistic people attempt to empathize with each other.
Basically, non-autistic people don’t get it and are unlikely to ever have the capacity to fully comprehend what autistic people are going through. 🙃
As for the kittens…sadly, I had to give Leo (white one, formerly Nova/Narumi) back to my grandmother. He consistently scratched and bit me to the point of drawing blood, and now I not only have ringworm, but have symptoms of cat scratch fever. He was a good boy — attentive and intelligent — but I’m not the owner for him. We’re just gonna stress each other out in what I presume is about a 650 sq ft apartment. I got attached so quickly because he’s truly lovely when he’s sleeping and calm. I also think the issue was having to share me, territory, with his sister. Alone, he’d have likely been perfect. But at the same time…I have allergies, and every time I sneezed or blew my nose, he acted like I was hissing. Aggressive ESAs are also not covered by FHA — if they hurt you, they’re no longer considered ESAs.
Now I just have Galaxy.
Awh. I’m sorry about your felines. They may be beautiful, but you’re correct. Once they act aggressive it’s probably not in your best interest to have them around 24/7. Hopefully you still get to see them occasionally! My cat, Elsa, is wonderful being the only cat in the house, but I tried getting my daughter a cat last year and she turned into the devil. Hated me and my ESA dog(which she’s always tolerated well before this) and was urinating on everything. We gave the cat to a relative so Em could still say hello during visits and Elsa went back to being sweet and my lap cat again. She’s amazing by herself but we can’t have any other cats while she’s alive I suppose.
I’m really glad you still got to keep one of your furry lovelies though.
Aggressiveness in kittens can be corrected, I just couldn’t socialize him in time because ultimately my sneezing prevented that. She was unbothered, but he’d act like I was hissing at him. 😔 He had great potential; we just weren’t compatible.
Cats are also territorial and if they just suddenly get aggressive, there’s usually a more serious reason. I don’t know your case, but I do understand feline behavior from all my digging.