Today was long. I overslept because I didn’t get in until late; I didn’t get in until late because I didn’t get off until late. It takes me about an hour or so to get home, an hour or so to get ready for bed (includes eating dinner, showering, etc.) and an hour and a half to two and a half hours to fall asleep, thus causing me to barely receive any sleep at all for the night. I woke up at 7:50am – because I was going to set my phone alarm for five minutes after 7:30am – and I needed to be on my way to work by 8:15am at the latest to arrive at my workplace by 8:50am (which allots me enough time to get ready to go inside, actually go inside, etc.) to clock in at 9am. I had only fifteen minutes to straighten my hair and about five minutes to finish readying myself the rest of the way (and I ended up taking ten minutes instead). Thankfully, though, I was not late. I despise being late. Being early makes me feel a lot better than being late does…

I am finally almost there. By “there” I mean DONE with WORK. Thursday would be my last working day, but since I have it off, my last day is technically Wednesday. I’m tired of having to prepare myself mentally to be able to deal with everything work does to me. It takes a lot of effort and lying to myself to convince me that I am “good” and “okay” and that “I can do this”. I quickly realized the customers dislike it strongly when you take deep breaths, especially before you begin checking them out.

Today, I took a deep breath before checking a customer out, and they asked me if I was mad at them. Obviously I was not; I just needed to take said deep breath in order to have at least some hope that I would/could somehow make it through the rest of my shift. I told said customer that I was just taking a deep breath to relax, and she said that I needed to lose my attitude and that taking a deep breath before serving a customer is “rude”. Well, you know what? Forget you. It’s either I take a deep breath or I take out my anxiety/temper on you. Which would you prefer?

Another customer wanted me to give her a one hundred dollar bill for her $100 cash back from her debit card. I told her I didn’t have a one hundred dollar bill, and I gave her $100 cash back via twenty dollar bills (5). She wanted me to show her my drawer, and got mad when I wouldn’t. Then, she accused me of making a racial comment. I am not racist/prejudice. Blah. Fun, fun, no? She also wanted me to go get her a one hundred dollar bill, and I said I couldn’t leave my register. What’s really the point in that if it’s just gonna get broke up anyway? …and is it really worth all of that trouble?

I really dislike the weather at times. It is tornado season, and I live in tornado alley. I remember learning about it in elementary school. The teachers would always tell us to “stay calm”, yet they told us all about the horrors of tornadoes, the damage they could do and how we could die and/or get hurt if we did ‘one thing wrong’. That’s a lot more than third or fourth graders can handle, and telling and teaching children to be deathly afraid of weather like this isn’t healthy. It gives you people like me who already suffer from PTSD as the end result – not to mention the fact that my step dad made me go outside during a tornado one time in Seagoville when we lived there. I cried throughout the entire thing, begging him not to make me go out, as he pulled and pushed me out there next to the stairs at that apartment complex[1. On the other side of the highway is the Seagoville prison; talk about me being ‘ghetto’ if you wish. Just know it wasn’t much different from living in San Antonio] – all the while just laughing as if I was worried about nothing. And now all I can think about is that moment. It has stuck with me my entire life – ever since it happened – and maybe if such an event had not have happened (i.e. if I hadn’t have seen it when I was a little girl), then I would not be so deathly afraid of these kinds of storms. Maybe they wouldn’t mess with my anxiety. Maybe they wouldn’t make me freak out and freak out and freak out. Maybe they wouldn’t cause me to be so scared and afraid of life altogether. He should have just left me in the closet I was sitting in with my cousin (Shane), who was being so calm whilst I was worrying. Shane remembers that night, too.

Thankfully it looks like it’s just moving north right now. Ugh, I don’t need to jinx myself. 🙁

I suppose I should go on and take a shower now and get ready for bed so I will at least have had a shower already! -.- They keep losing signal, though, on TWC of who is broadcasting in the various locations. It’s also almost time for the Local Eights[2. Local weather that comes on every ten minutes: 08, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 each hour on The Weather Channel.]

Also, I uploaded some more videos to my YouTube.

I think one of my favorite CSMs (okay, so the favorite) is sad that I’m leaving. 🙁 Of all the others (aside from 1…2… and 3 that are okay), she’s the only one that makes me feel noticed. Friday (yesterday) I clocked out in front of people I’d never seen before who said, “It’s finally getting to them, isn’t it? They’re getting the hang of it. Newbies are fun,” or something like that. I said, “I’m not new; I’ve been here since November,” then got my things and left. She always asks me how I am, and it’s really sweet. It means a lot, and it makes me feel nice that she actually takes the time to make sure I answer.