Screw it all. I don’t think I care anymore.

It sometimes takes me literally all night (or day) long to think of a topic to actually blog about. In my opinion, a topic I can actually blog about has to be easy to write. I don’t want to spend forever trying to make said blogging topic sound/look perfect. An ‘easy’ blogging topic would have to be something I could easily fit into three to five hundred words, maybe even more.

However, for some reason I can always think of crap to write about that I can’t seem to fit in so many words like I would like to.

I’m the customer I’d like to never have.

No matter how hard I try, I always end up being that customer that either

  • talks on the phone whilst in line,
  • talks on the phone whilst being checked out,
  • tries to have the exact change,
  • takes forever to get my stuff up on the conveyer,
  • is the most awkward one yet,
  • says the weirdest thing and fears the cashier thinks I’m pretty crazy,
  • takes forever to pay,
  • can’t make up her mind on something,
  • zones out and completely forgets about getting the bags,
  • zones out and completely forgets about [insert whatever it is here] and/or
  • takes too long to move away from everything after said cashier is finished.

Blah. The type of customers that often seem a bit difficult to wait on is sometimes the type of customer that I am. Maybe I’m overthinking this a bit too much, but I also never felt this way until I was on the other side of the counter.

I like to do things my way.

I’m very specific about this, too. Some things just need to be done my way for me. I’ve only recently gotten to do things my way because I’ve only recently gained control of what I can and cannot do. Virtually speaking, if I wanted to stay out all night, then I could. I don’t, but I could, and I don’t live alone. I have that freedom. I don’t have to tell my grandmother where I’m going to be at all times of the day if I don’t wish to. Sometimes I want to do things a certain way (my way) because it’s something I have that is mine. To those that have always had some kind of privacy, you’ll never be able to relate to the lack of privacy I had growing up. This is why my privacy and the things I have to have done my way are extremely important to me. Think of it as an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder thing – something I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that I have if I do have it.

I have driving anxiety.

It’s so bad that it literally does turn into actual anxiety – the kind you should worry about. When people tell me to “just get over it” or that “it’s just a part of life that you need to overcome because [blah, blah, blah],” it makes me feel so stupid for having said problem. You don’t think I don’t try to overcome it? I didn’t choose it. Why would I choose something that, when I have to confess it and/or can’t find the words to explain, just makes me want to cry? The driving anxiety thing adds onto my depression. People don’t understand that I’m not afraid of the highway or high traffic areas as much as they don’t understand that I do get way nervous when driving in said places – including but not limiting to: the city, places I’m unfamiliar with, places I don’t/won’t often drive in, etc. Having to do these things when not on my own turf (or free will, whatever) merely adds onto my ‘down’ feeling, just making me fall back into a depressive state. P:

I’m tired of being mistreated by people who don’t even know me.

And I know I shouldn’t do it, but I can’t help the fact that all I seem to do is just take it all to heart. I really dislike it, but it’s just … Ugh, people are just so cruel to each other. The end.

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Comments on this post

Hey, don’t let these little things get you down. You sound like me when I was younger. I think that everything will get better as you get older. Just work on the things that you want to be better at. All you can do is your best.