I’m a blogger. Every public post on my blog and anywhere else online is me sharing a part of my life publicly. I didn’t realize how different that was from what people who don’t blog do until yesterday when Grandmama mentioned how people are so public with their lives these days; so here I am, ever since, wondering if maybe I share too much. Sure, they post parts of their lives on Facebook and on other places, but do they do that in such an intimate way like blogging is? Maybe we’re like celebrities and the paparazzi. We’re blogging and reading each others’ blogs. And to us, sharing bits of our lives is easy and normal for us.
Of course, the people who often read our blogs and don’t blog themselves often have a difficult time understanding that we don’t always share everything. I don’t share everything. Some things I want to share aren’t things I can write about in so many words. Some things I start to write about only to find that five minutes later it’s old news and something even better to write and post has come along. Or maybe it’s just old news.
Part of me writes about my life because I feel this need for it. I almost lust to tell everyone that I can about what happened to me, but I don’t want to write about it publicly just because I want to make a point for myself personally. I want to make a point for myself and others so it can reach them personally. I just want to make a stand. I’ve been hushed to keep it quiet my entire life. It’s just so exhausting continuously having to keep it a secret. I can’t even debate with someone about something similar without somehow being hushed. How is being hushed in the present different from being hushed in the past? It’s not.
Another part of me fears I’ll give the impression that I’m milking it if I talk about it too much, so I don’t always talk about it. I don’t want people to look at my blog and just think, “This is the girl who was abused. It’s all she talks about.” I mean, I get that enough from family. It’s also the part of me that doesn’t want to share all of the mental health mess.
I don’t share as much about my personal life as so many think and assume. Just because it’s not on my blog doesn’t mean it’s not true. 6birds is a blog, not a bible to understanding me.
Back to what I mentioned before… I had posted something on Facebook. You’ll have to send in the form for me to make an account for you so you can login to my blog and see what it said. Unless we’re strangers, I’ll most likely make you an account. I just decided to do protected posts differently from before since IP addresses change.
Aside from comforting friends, two other people talked with me about that post. I was asked where I’ll be moving in the northeast and why. Sure, it’s just curiosity, but not everything has a reason. Even if it did, why does “why” have to be so demanding? Why do people have to compare me to songs I attached as a playlist? Why can’t I just be seen as myself instead of something with so many strings attached? I’m not a fucking puppet. Just because I post a song doesn’t mean that I’m going to live by it. Songs express feelings and emotions. They don’t necessarily describe me as a whole.
People shouldn’t read into things so much when I’m involved. Seriously.
Notice my Sixx:AM reference?
If you loved this post, please share or buy me a pretzel:
Comments on this post
Kya
I think there is a big difference between sharing things about your life just because, and sharing things because it is a way of healing and your need to actually talk about what happened to you, because there was so much negative crap to keep you silent. You have to say as much or as little that helps you, that is the main thing!
Agent Q
This is a very difficult to comment on due to all the nuances and complexity. But I will say this: I get a sense that everything you’re saying naturally flows out quite nicely without any forced attempt. It seems like the only thing forcing you down is the constant dismissal/shushing you get as a result of your honesty. And for that, I can definitely understand your frustration behind other people’s involvement, especially if they rub it off the wrong way and get involved. At a certain point, their concern for you is no longer about you, it’s about them and how they can feel accomplished by solving your problems. I get that sense sometimes, and it’s quite annoying to be honest. This is also why sometimes I feel that the only appropriate response is a simple nod. It’s a complicated issue.
Desiree
I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out the correct wording for what I want to get out of my mind and into your comment box. The last few sentences of your first paragraph are pretty much the reason most people blog. We want to feel some validation, we want to be heard, we want to know we aren’t completely invisible. At least in some small way. At least that’s how it was for me. Although the huge majority of why I started blogging was because I needed to get the emotions and feelings and going ons somewhere. Paper was not safe.
As I grew older I needed a place to vent my depression and pain. Infertility was hard and I needed somewhere to air it all. I also knew that by being public I might be helping someone else who was struggling. I wanted them to know that they were not alone. I wanted to know that I was not alone.
And that worked for me. I met one of my best friends because I was so open. She was shy and e-mailed me to get my address because she wanted to buy me a pregnancy gift after reading my blog for a while.
These days, after a psycho overseas overly attached girlfriend, I’ve decided that some things – I need to lock down. Such as things concerning my son. Not out of fear, but because a majority of people are curious, but only a few truly care. Things that I value the most need only be shared with those who do care.
I’ve never once thought that you were milking it. I recognize that you too are trying not only to help yourself, but help others in a small way. To be understood, and to get the thoughts and feelings out of your mind for a few moments.
Sara
It is hard to know how much to share on a blog and when you do share, how easily things can be misunderstood.
On the other hand, Liz, many of the things you share about yourself touch others who have or had similar life experiences. Many of these people may not leave a comment, but they may know there’s someone not afraid to tell about the times when life has been unfair, difficult or just abusive. It’s the ones you don’t see who may need to read your words:~)
BTW I loved the video!
Ffion
A very difficult topic. Very well written about. I don’t post much terribly personal stuff on my blog for exactly those kind of reasons, I’m not so comfortable with sharing too many personal details, but still I want to share something of my life for some reason! It’s so hard to draw the line. And keep it real at the same time, but without letting people get too much of an intimate look into your life…
(By the way, I love the theme you’re using! It’s adorable!)